50.

pectacles, plastic surgery and artifical limbs, it ought not to appear unreasonable. A man may be made endocrinally female by the female hormones, which control the secondary sexual charac- teristics of hair and breasts; and anatomically female by the removal of male organs and the surgical creation of a vagina. She cannot bear children (though even that may come with greater medical knowledge); but, surely, if she is female in anatomy and hormones and psyche, she is woman. This limited womanhood be- came my goal, this was the happiness I pursued.

My decision was made in the clear perception that my life was quite intolerable in its falseness. After some hard, real- istic thinking, I went to a sexologist, a man wise in the ways of glands and their secretions. He received me with kindness and understanding, and sent me to a psychiatrist who confirmed his judgment that I was of sound mind and quite competent to decide where my happiness lay. Then he carefully began the process of feminization by the administration of estrogen and other female hormones. Months went by while my breasts began to develop and other changes took place and while my doctor studied me and tested and observed. Then at last--a glorious day--he approved me for

surgery.

The surgeon, skilled and courteous, was not to be rushed, it was necessary that he be certain in his own conscience that what he was doing was best for me. I could not doubt that this great gentleman, like the sexologist, truly intended, in the words of Hippocrates, to govern his treatment by the needs of the sufferer. To make assurance doubly sure, he sent me to another paychiatrist who, in turn, convened a panel of his brethren. After many hours of discussion and questioning and study, these three paychiatrists unanimously recommended the operation, adding that they were power- less to alter my feminine psyche and that the surgeon would be do- ing me a great service by operating. Even then the surgeon was not wholly convinced and there were further discussions with him before he at length consented. "Now," I thought, "now at last, the long waiting and the long anxiety are done. Now my life will take on harmony and meaning. Now my great adventure.

...

19

But I reckoned without bigotry and prejudice and timidity.